notes on existence

Heath Ledger died yesterday.
Though it is a strange and terrible accident, i must admit that it makes me feel slightly less depressed. I think I feel this way becuase his death forces me to think about the future he has sadly lost and the future I was once willing to let go.
For some reason, my mind immediatly turns to his attention in the media's eye. Now the world must come to terms with the idea that we will never see a picture of Ledger and his child again. Or be able to listen to an interview or watch A Knights Tale without inherently thinking that he is dead...he is gone.
And know I think about myself.
Will the pictures and pages abruptly end for me?
or will they die out slowly?
There was a time were I very much wanted to die. But after envisioning a future without my existence, I would like nothing more than to live.