you've made your bed, now fuck in it

I used to take swim lessons in this pool when I was ten, now birds shit in it

And right now, a pool filled with bird crap makes perfect sense, as opposed to my life, which is not.

pigeons staring at suburbia through the fence. This is sort of the way I look at my surroundings everyday. The only thing I keep thinking about is leaving.

I leave for New York on Tuesday. There will probably be many posts and many stories to tell. I'm worried and a little scared. But I'm not sure why.
I've started seeing a new therapist, who i love. On our first meeting, she asked me if i trusted myself and my decisions....i don't. At the time, i really didn't know the answer. but the truth is, i don't. I believe in myself and trust in the future. but i don't trust myself.
I've lost control of most things in my life and now resort to trying to control other things and honestly, human beings.

On a brighter note, i am a weeds addict. this is a good thing, i promise. the new season starts tomorrow, so nobody bother me. i will be spending the evening packing, watching showtime, and freaking out over what happends to nancy and the gang.

in an endless summer...let me go waste my time

i wish this could be endless, because i don't know how long this will last and whether or not i will regret it.

its the summer between high school and college...and it scares me because i only have 3 more months to grow up.

The other night i stayed up looking through all the old boxes i have, full of papers, pictures, diaries, and mementos of my life over the past eight years. through middle school and highschool.

it was bizzarre and yet all i kept thinking was, "am i missing something?"

like some clue as to what to do with my life would suddenly pop out

June hasn't even really started, but I've been out for almost three weeks. no finals so to every underclasssman who reads this, "haha suckas!"

that was probably inappropriate.

Madonna Day. At my catholic high school, the day before graduation is called madonna day and its basically an awards ceremony. For the first time ever, I actually got two awards in digital photography and English 4. that was actually quite bizzare for me, because i almost never get awarded for anything involving academics.

The virgin mary ice sculpture was hands down the greatest part of madonna day...and thats including sister janes speech that included the theme song from friends and vitamin c's graduation. Here is a picture of danielle and i holding the frozen madonna's hands. i don't know where this ends up on the spectrum of sacreligiousness. I also don't understand how this ended up on the decoration committee's agenda...i can only imagine the administration being like, "And right next to the sandwiches, we should have a giant ice sculpture of the virgin mary! And about that cake..."

dont judge. the grad cap doesn't flatter anybody. and i added this only so i could prove i actually graduated.

Grad party! So, this is the giant $600+ pan of seafood paella that i ate. well, not all of it, but a good portion over the next 4 days it was in my fridge.

Souvlaki.... hot and roasting on the grill. this is what greek uncles from queens with lamb expertise are for.

when im not stuffing my face or graduating, i'm hanging with friends or working. my job at the museum ended (see end of the year picnic party pic above) so i figured i might as well make some money by finding another job. my friends were already working at the binkini store in one of our malls so i figured "why not?" to be honest, i'm not sure what i was thinking by getting into retail. i hate shopping and i hate hanging anything. But the job isnt half bad and even though i have to listen to rihanna and "make love in the club" and lil' wayne almost 10 times a day, i kind of like it.

NYU here i come....and yes, that is carrie bradshaw in the front seat of my race car...i mean, who else to better represent new york? and NYU violet? i think not...

I did see the movie actually, but only after sipping down martini's with my two aunts and getting someone's number from the bar. so thats one samatha jones point down. get me preggers and move me to brooklyn and then i'll be pulling a miranda.

valley of the dolls

its official. the banner in my bedroom says so

see you next fall in new york.

in the mean time, i'll be in texas, singing every simon and garfunkel song i know.

its been more than a month since i've last written, thats pathetic. so much has happened, but these last few months of highschool have literally flown by. SPEAKING OF FLYING, today was the senior style show. the theme was Wings to Fly. this is where my all girls highschool decides to dress everyone up in expensive outfits (and then you try and find out who has the most expensive dress) and makes you strut down a runway. i didn't fall, obviously, tyra and the ANTM crew taught me well.

models standing around to get their hair did

fabulously fabulous

my friends new hair cut. yes she's a real red head, and yes she's really that beautiful in real life.

PAT 'CHO WEAVE! okay...so its not a real weave....but literally everyone thought it was. i guess nobody noticed how long my hairs gotten over the past year. so i starting patting it and shit to make it seem more authentic. seriously though, people were coming up to me after the show saying, " wow! that fake hair looked great on you!"

PROM 2k8:Party Girls on the Go

sometimes, your best friends are the hottest people you know. so then, instead of a date, you just take all of them to prom with you...

in the greatest limo this world has ever seen! its hot pink and looks like something we stole out of libby lou and hannah montana might just be in the back seat...but it was glorious.

cold souls at spring time

Spring break has come and gone. i spend my 13 days in Houston and Austin relaxing and taking some time off for myself. I actually really enjoyed it, despite not going anywhere for vacation.

Antique shopping in Austin on the strand near UT.

Old door surrounded by colorful walls

Hey Cupcake! oh you know I couldn't pass this up.

take a gander of this deliciousness. vanilla on vanilla.

my mother loves antiques and she really knows how to find this little nooks.

This weekend I was in St. Louis visiting Washington University. They offered me a scholarship, but I'm still stuck on NYU. Thank God I got in, so many people are being rejected from schools they deserve to get into. This year, colleges have been so difficult. The Annika Rodriguez Scholarship committee was so ridiculously wonderful. They gave us so much free stuff and if i ever see another chocolate chip cookie again i'll probably vomit; they were at ever single event the put on for us...but there was never any milk!

The best part of the visit was when they took us on a tour of St. Louis (wash u is a little outside) and then suprised us with a free snack from Baily's Chocolate Bar. We were all starving and ordered everything on the menu. The food was phenomenal. Chocolate brownies, cake, bread pudding, blondies!

My essentials: hot coffee, good cheese, and fresh bread. The simple foods are always the best.

we had a midnight visitor

harvard model congress seems like it was ages ago, yet I think about it everyday.

The girls. For some reason, we were given a room about 10 times the size of a normal one; however they only gave us one bed. So adele and I suffered on the pull-out couch. it really wasn't a big deal except for it was freezing.

Okay, Rodney Miles is my hero. Seriously, the man is incredible

. It was snowing in boston! Caitlin went snow crazy. Here we are in Davis Square where we went to diesel cafe. it was warm and delicious.

I love how my head is pretty much the center of this picture considering i look like a mad possum in the headlights. Anyway, here is pretty much everyone on the trip huddled around getting ready for the dance. We went 80's style while everyone else wore their prom dress. I can remember talking to one of the republicans in my committe who came out and said, " I didn't even recognize you!" probably because I lost any of my moral sense and wasn't wearing my pant suit.

The Armed Services and Ethics Committee. Needless to say, we were brilliant. I could bore you with all the rest of the information, but this is pretty much all you need to know: RI and NE on the bottom right are some of the greatest and most intelligent girls i have ever met. John McCain made me laugh every day, MS and KS in the back were my most favorite boys ever. Franklin (hawt azn center) was our leader and king. Sarah on the right was phenomenal as well as Brad; both leaders, both stallions. Everyone else was just way too cool. Our guantanamo bill (though fake president bush shot it down with an illegitimate veto) still rocked and kicked more butt in the senate than any other. unanimous except for one? does that ever happen? I think i cried. No, i for sure cried when the house almost knocked it down. but thats why senate A decided to pass a bill to make our government unicameral. I also cried that one time Franklin woke me up at 1 am because the Indian Ambassador had a shit fit over some aircraft carriers in the Indian Ocean.

As for the present, Friday night I saw the St.Agnes/Strake production of Merrily we Roll Along feturing my bestie Jessica and some other really attractive people.

Remember when Kellie was so ridiculously fierce as Gussy? I mean, i was in awe throughout the entire play. She was phenomenal.

mmThreesome. These guys were the mainz of the play and did an amazing job. the singing was INCREDIBLE, like beyond. Kudos on the fashion department for that lovely velveteen robe and sweater vest.

In the mean time, im ignoring my english test and virginia woolfe. pity, but sexy young john mccain can keep you company.

mmmm, nothings more attractive than a 72 year old former POW with a sexy grin and a incredibly strong stance on the war in iraq.

Baby, I am the cub who was washed out in the flood

"Hope is not blind optimism,"

Out of all the things Barack Obama said tonight, this statement struck me the most. His entire speech was about hope and change in the United States. Change in health care, the war, education, international trade, weapons, and everything other example of how our government contradicts the freedoms given in the Constitution and Bill of Rights... and all of a sudden, I realized how much change I wanted in my own life. How much I needed faith within myself and from other people to help me through these next months. God knows, this past year has been more difficult than I couldn've ever imagined.

Like Keats, I am slowly learning to accept my life as it is; slowly understanding that suffering is an inevitable part of life that I must experience. I can no longer attempt to analyze my sadness and reason my distress. In truth, there are no answers; suffering will exist no matter how much I try to ignore it. Right now, I must let go of my past and start accepting the present.

Recently, my mother and I went antique-grazing in the heights area of houston. I love looking at antiques, im not sure why... i like how their age makes them even more appealing and beautiful. my favorite store, hands down, was installations. a DNA center piece

A german sign, i think it may be used to hold tickets or something. they had a ton of old and really neat german/dutch/netherlands posters and signs because the owner is from belgium and travels to eastern europe every year with his precious wife.

Thursday was Veritas Vacation Day, which is where my school basically has a giant party with a moon bounce and everything. heres a polaroid of some friends of mine. The band in the second polaroid is called Oh, Juliet! They were precious and girls were literally tripping and crying on stage because of all the emotions and girlish-ness.

The v-day is also for valentines day, which i spent with diego. who is diego?

BAH! drawer cat! Don Diego de la Vega is the newest and most cuddliest member of the family. He was adopted my mother and I last monday and has since become my best friend. He likes playing with my hair, putting his nose on my neck, and taking naps in the nook between my collarbone and shoulder.

I dont know what im gonna do without him when im in boston for harvard model congress. which is totally random and last minute, i know. but a teacher asked me to go and i said of course. for the first time in my life, i can proudly say that i've done something spontaneous. even if it is school related...

Iran so far away

I love Ash Wednesday because it’s the one day of the year where you’re considered a weirdo if you don’t have a big black mark on your forehead. For the first time in jameson’s Ash Wednesday history, I actually fasted. Mind, it was only until 6, but I figure God will appreciate the effort. I’m not 100% sure why I did it. I’m not entirely religious, but I felt like I needed some sort of cleansing or rejuvenation to happen in my life. Actually, I guess I am a tad religious considering the fact that I was really ticked off at the 3 kings cakes I saw being passed around in the hallway not to mention a conveniently dated bake sale after school. I mean, you don’t have to fast all of Lent, but for Christ’s sake (literally) at least respect Ash Wednesday.
I think its because I learned all about Lent and Easter from the perspective of the Greek Orthodox, who take Lent far more seriously than most Americans. To them, Lent is more holy than Christmas. Of course my view on the typical American Christmas is not a happy one.

Last night, I hung out with a friend of mine that I hadn’t seen in FOREVER. We ran into some old friends on the way as well. Being with them made me forget how much I love the commodity between men. I’m dead serious, being around boys makes me realize how pointless some female conversations and arguments are. Of course the downside of being male is never really being able to talk about your “feelings” in front of friends. Last night was an experience I probably needed to be reminded not to take life so damn seriously.

Of course, last night was also Super Tuesday. As a staunch Obama supporter, I guess its needless to say I was disappointed with the American public’s support of Hilary McPantsuit Clinton. I was even more disturbed with Huckabee’s tie with Romney and his sweep of the south. Ever since I saw Jesus Camp, I just can’t take Evangelicals seriously.
Anyway, this really has nothing to do with politics, but the greatest song parody I’ve ever seen was on mad tv the other day and I managed to find it on youtube.



MREEeeeeehhh...It’s the most glorious thing i’ve ever seen/heard. Hillary’s singing is impeccable, almost better than rihanna’s to be honest. kudos to heidi klum and seal who apparently directed it.its almost as good as Andy Sandberg's SNL song about iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Speaking of which, an alarm went off in govenrment yesterday and Katherine felt the need to hide under her desk yelling, " IRAQ IRAN!" at the top of lungs for no reason at all. i think fritchels cried she was laughing so hard.

In honor of the mexico vs. us game in houston tonight, ill leave you with this image of the mexican christmas decorations still hanging in my back yard. the fact that our christmas decoration pretty much describes my families laziness as a whole.