you've made your bed, now fuck in it

I used to take swim lessons in this pool when I was ten, now birds shit in it

And right now, a pool filled with bird crap makes perfect sense, as opposed to my life, which is not.

pigeons staring at suburbia through the fence. This is sort of the way I look at my surroundings everyday. The only thing I keep thinking about is leaving.

I leave for New York on Tuesday. There will probably be many posts and many stories to tell. I'm worried and a little scared. But I'm not sure why.
I've started seeing a new therapist, who i love. On our first meeting, she asked me if i trusted myself and my decisions....i don't. At the time, i really didn't know the answer. but the truth is, i don't. I believe in myself and trust in the future. but i don't trust myself.
I've lost control of most things in my life and now resort to trying to control other things and honestly, human beings.

On a brighter note, i am a weeds addict. this is a good thing, i promise. the new season starts tomorrow, so nobody bother me. i will be spending the evening packing, watching showtime, and freaking out over what happends to nancy and the gang.